I don't know why I am sat here reminiscing on the past (because this is not like me) but you know when you have one of those moments where you feel that you just need to spill out all of your feelings? Well I am having one of those moments. As a child and teenager, I used to bottle up a lot of things. And I mean everything. Not because I couldn't talk to anyone about it, I almost felt embarrassed to have a 'problem' or an 'issue'. I guess I still sometimes do, but I'd like to think that my past has taught me a few things. If there is one lesson I have learned from being bullied (which I would rather refer to as being 'picked on') is that the things said and done means absolutely nothing (emphasis added). From who you were 2, 3 or even 10 years ago doesn't exactly define you for who you are today. We all have a story or journey (some worse than other) but where there's a negative there is always a positive. As a young girl/women I would say that I wasn't the strongest of person, but as I understand today, I was young and naive who didn't fully understand human emotions and behaviour. So I guess the whole point of this post today is to reach out to all of you who are currently going through a hard time (whether that being from being bullied or from something else) because I can ensure you now, whatever it may be, your shell may feel cracked now but once you get through, your shell will fell like armour. And that armour shall continue to serve you throughout you life. So take note.
Now I am sat here feeling ever so emotional (with a lump in my throat and a slight tear in my eye) because this is ever so hard to write. I can honestly say that I have never expressed myself in this way, and funnily, it feels so much easier to just write it here, on my blog, with thousands of you reading it. Mad? Yes. And before some sceptics feel that this is a 'cry out for attention' this really isn't, I feel that many young females and males need a form of education and advice on the matter. It's all well and good getting advice from specific organisations, but if you are like me, that would be the last thing I would do! And if I could inspire/help at least one of you, then my purpose would be a success. So you are probably wondering what the title of this post is all about. One of the worst memories from school was being teased in secondary school for having a 'long nose' which apparently made me look like a 'traffic cone' (I kind of giggled there) but at the time that seriously wasn't the case (as you could imagine). But let me take you through it all.
I joined public school when I was 13, so I was a small fish in a big pond. I was so fortunate to have my twin sister with me and instantly made friends with a lovely group of girls to who I still consider my closest group of friends today. But in every big pond, there's always a group of fish that like to terrorise the rest. I do not consider myself to be a 'victim' in anyway, so I shall say that I was one of the unfortunate ones that was 'subjected' to their ridicule and terror. The reason I do not like to consider myself as a 'victim' because these individuals today have made me become the strongest person that I could possibly be when it comes to confrontation. After all today, I couldn't care less whether someone wants to say something bad about me. If you're in your late teens/twenties and still get a 'buzz' from putting down others, you should seriously take god dam hard look at yourself in the mirror. But at the time yes, I was a 'victim' of something that no individual should have to go through, we are who we are and the way we look shouldn't become the subject of any ridicule. The subject (my nose) was ridiculed for a good two years. It got that bad that I became conscious of anyone who were to look at me side on. I really wanted a nose job and I was between the age of 13-15! No young teenager should feel that they should change themselves in order to suit others. EVER. Anyway despite the tormenting and the constant reminder that I looked like 'Pinocchio', today I couldn't be happier with my nose and I sure know that if I did have surgery, I wouldn't look right today. Today I am so proud that I have signed two modelling contracts, because it goes to show that if I had taken on their comments 'literally', I could of quite possibly jeopardised that opportunity for myself. So my message to you today is this: never question your appearance because you are just beautiful the way you are and secondly, despite how hard things may be now, when you 'look back' (like I am now) you have such a wider perspective of things which makes all the bad things said seem so trivial.
We live in a society today where technology (like social media) should be used for awareness, rather than, used as a tool to become a 'cyber bully'. Bullying can happen at any age, it just so happens that mine occurred when I was a teenager but you could reading this in your 30's or even late 50's and can relate to this in some way. Now you are probably wondering, do I hold any grudges? And the answer to that is that I don't. Whatever happened in the past should remain there and the whole point in life is to move forward. So I march on forward with my armour in tact.
So there we are guys, I hope that my story can help at least a number of you!
Massive hugs and love